i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
