Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
