Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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