Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
