Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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