Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You need Xanax blowdarts
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
