remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
