Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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