I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
