watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
