distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
