theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
