i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
