I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
