I wannas sexs uuuuu
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
