he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
