Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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