The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
