Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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