His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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