Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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