I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
