Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
