im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
