how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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