How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
