ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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