how can u be prego again
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I want her autograph on my taint
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Randomize
