new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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