Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
