addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
