Actions speak louder than pants.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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