wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
