I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
