Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
