I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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