You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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