The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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