It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
