You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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