I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
