I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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