i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
