just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
