I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
