I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
