If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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