so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
