i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
