Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
