took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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