whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
