8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
