To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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