2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
