Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
