His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
