these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
