you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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